Finally – a topic that none of you fuckers can speak a word to me about. I’m happy to say that I’m one of the few civilians to so far hear the upcoming La Coka Nostra disc, “A Brand You Can Trust”, which heads have been waiting years for, and which finally drops this summer. Since I opted not to take a promo copy – the thought being that I would not want to face Slaine, Ill Bill, Everlast, Big Left, Danny Boy, and DJ Lethal if shit accidentally leaked – the best I can do for now is offer a few notes from my listening session a couple weeks ago. Buckle up bitches…

1 – Everlast opens the album with this ringer: “The Pope’s a pedophile with a drug habit.”

2 – Though this is a more or less in-your-grill rap disc as expected, LCN hardly follows traditional verse-after-verse formulas. Due to that – plus the thick cymbal rides, monster guitar chops, and Everlast involvement – expect serious crossover appeal.

3 – The track with Snoop Dogg on the hook, “Bang Bang,” is not only catchier than herpes; it’s also the closest thing to a club banger that I’ll ever like. Slaine comes through with a dope line: “I’m an enemy – you want a friend go and buy a dog.”

4 – DJ Lethal handled the bulk of the beats. Beautifully!!!

5 – The Lethal-produced track with Sick Jacken – “Brujeria” (which means “Witchcraft” in Spanish) – is unrelenting audible energy. House of Pain fans should jizz over this one. Jack also returns later on “Soldier Stories” to murder a verse.

6 – Ill Bill produced the sleeper hit “Cousin of Death” – a slow burning banger with the rock radio potential of “What it’s Like.”

7 – The Alchemist beat on the Bun B track, “Choose Your Side,” is on some crazy snake charmer shit. Brace yourself for one of the tightest Everlast verses ever.

8 – I was pretty wasted by the time I heard it, but I’m pretty sure there’s a bank robbery anthem with Cynic (of Street Platoon) on which Slaine dedicates his verse to Charlestown and Bill threatens to beat someone to death with furniture.

9 – “Nuclear Medicine Men” features Q-Unique and Immortal Technique. ‘Nuff said.

10 – Most importantly – LCN will lace the whole damn thing on Rock the Bells this summer.

***ALBUM DROPS JULY 14TH, 2009